Life is Better Than You Think

More random thoughts from the beginning of the semester:

Last night as I returned to my apartment I wrote in my Thankful Journal: “Today I am so thankful for life, for joy, and for happiness. I am glad that I am able to do things that I love, and spend time with people that I love, and learn about things I love, and be who I love. I am so grateful for all the experiences that come through the course of my personal existence.” I was so pumped on every possible thing: the gospel, my roommates who I feel like I am actually connecting with now, the temple, piñatas and fiestas with my friends for Cinco de Mayo, Frisbee with my team, smack talk, running shoes, phone calls with my Momma, runs with great friends, no judgement for farting, and laughing so hard that your abs hurt worse than your sore legs. I was so happy that I gave Tyler and Colin each at least 10 high fives in a row before going home after our run, and arrived back at my apartment to my roommates laughing and showing me videos. Life was great! I read my scriptures and said an eager heartfelt prayer of thanks for my glorious day.

Then today happened. I rolled out of bed and got ready for the day. I left my apartment without breakfast because I’ve been putting off going grocery shopping. Everything hit after that. There was the problem I got wrong in accounting class, and sitting by myself. There was the boy I liked not liking me back and not telling me, and my best friend not responding to my message. There was a full day planned ahead, and grades getting lower, and a growling stomach, and past due assignments that I had overlooked. There were financial aid problems, and 30 pages of econ reading that I still hadn’t done for class, and all the people that I felt I was letting down. There were flyers to hand out, and meetings to plan, and emails that needed to be sent. And after all of this hit, so did the tears of stress. The writing “Past Due” on my screen became blurry as the tears stung my eyes.

I opened the assignment and tried working out the problems, but all that came seemed to be wrong answers and red x’s. I closed the laptop and went to get some food, hoping it would get my mind off of the stresses of the day that seemed to already be at a maximum, although it was before 9:30 in the morning.

“Kyanna, what are you doing? Why didn’t you do more homework last night instead of spending time with your friends? Why can’t today be like last night?” I pushed through the library doors and started up the flight of stairs and happened to make eye contact with the security guard. He offered me the most genuine smile, and without thinking I reciprocated it. “I wonder if he is having a day like I had yesterday? But… maybe he’s having a day like I am having… What if he just had a break up, or failed an exam, what if he was late for work, or has been sitting in that chair for hours with nothing to do? What if he isn’t letting those things dictate how he feels?”

“Maybe you’re not given a happy high every day, but what if you can have one every day? Everyone has a complex life just like I do. They all have their struggles and their problems, but they also have those things that make them insanely happy. So, Kyanna, if the only thing you do today is find happiness, and bring happiness, and give happiness then so be it!”

Put that on your to-do list, girl.