Advice to My Sister: He's Not Your Husband

He’s Probably Not Your Husband

Advice to My Sister

During the middle of my third semester at college, there was a boy that I began to spend time with and develop a crush on. Although we spent a lot of time together and he always invited me to do things with him, he never asked me out or pursued me. One afternoon my roommate at the time asked what was going on with him. In frustration I almost shouted “I don’t even know!”

She replied, “Well, if he isn’t pursuing you, he isn’t your husband.”

Now, I know that this sounds silly, but that helped me a lot.

Of course your husband is going to pursue a relationship and he’s going to be interested in you and do something about his feelings. Of course your husband is going to crush on you, and then he’s going to like you, and date you, and then he’s going to love you and propose, and then you’ll marry him and he’ll be your husband.

So if a boy doesn’t do that, then you’re not going to marry him. Simple as that. I know you are still young, but I want you to know that boys are stupid when it comes to relationships, and girls are probably stupider. But if a relationship doesn’t work, then that boy is just not your husband. If he breaks up with you it doesn’t mean that you are worthless, or ugly, or you’re not wife material. If he breaks up with you, he just isn’t your husband.

After my first major break up, I wanted to dye my hair, and pierce my ears, and be alone, and go on dates, and control every situation that I possibly could because I couldn’t seem to control that situation. But mostly I wanted to be with him still; I wanted him to hold me, and protect me, and tell me I was beautiful, cute, smart, and funny. Eventually I realized that I am beautiful, cute, smart, and funny even if he didn’t tell me. Just because we weren’t dating anymore didn’t mean that I suddenly lost all those qualities.  

So my advice: be confident and independent while searching for your husband, especially during break-ups. And one day, I promise, you will find your husband.